Christmas After Divorce

No one can deny that the holidays are a tough time after a divorce - regardless of what you celebrate, and this goes for birthdays too. A lot of the activities of the holidays are based upon traditions. So this year, instead of trying to mimic the traditions of days gone, start new ones. This is the time for coming up with new ideas for your new life. So change this up – instead of staying in on Christmas Eve, go to a movie with family or friends. It’s a great night for going to the movies. Or choose to eat dinner out. Instead of the usual meal, try something new. Usually have beef? This year make chicken!

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Pets and Divorce

Even harder than saying goodbye to a person in divorce is saying goodbye to a shared pet – but you can’t split the dog in half and often it seems easier to just let the dog stay with one person. But how do you come to terms with that? With a person you can start to justify it – it wasn’t working, they were not right for you, they did things to upset you, you can learn to stop thinking about them because maybe they didn’t deserve it. But a pet. They were perhaps a beloved companion, you can’t just start to think of all the bad times, because there rarely are with animals and even the bad times turn out to be funny memories where pets are concerned.

You can get a new pet, you can focus on the things you can do now that you don’t have the responsibility, or you can cry over the lost friend…

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Getting along for the children’s sake, you win in the long run

It’s really hard to think about trying to get along with someone that you have just divorced, but if there are kids involved it’s really important to think about how your fighting could hurt them in the long run. Not just in the sense that seeing mommy and daddy fight is not a good experience, but also if you position yourself as enemies, kids do learn to use that to their advantage after a while, and that’s no fun for either parent. Too, things can spiral out of control, and eventually you want to be able to both be there for your kids wedding, your grandchildren, and other special family moments that neither of you will want to miss. And being civil and in control is one way to drive a person crazy after a split, usually both party secretly hopes that they can’t live without them and that they were the key to that person’s survival. Divorce is tough on everybody, but it’s really hardest on the kids so it’s important not to make it harder.

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Kitchener Waterloo Divorce Seminar

There is another divorce seminar happening on October 25 being hosted by Fairway Divorce in Waterloo – this will be hosted by Colette Fortin and will be offering information on the options of divorce and helping you to understand what you need to know to get a divorce. For people living in Kitchener, Waterloo, Wellington, Cambridge or the surrounding area. $10 fee will be collected and donated to the Kitchener-Waterloo Counselling Parenting with Passion Program

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Divorce Seminar in Richmond Hill – October 20, 2011

If you live near Richmond Hill (York Region, Ontario) be sure to check out this divorce seminar being hosted by Su Cooke and Karen Stewart, founder of Fairway Divorce. Learn about the options in divorce and what you need to know about getting divorced. Fairway Divorce offers an alternative to traditional “lawyer” divorce but this seminar is meant to educate and inform on all the options and to empower people to make the right decisions for long-term outcomes.

Register for the divorce seminar here

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Getting a New Bedroom

When you get divorced you sort of end up trying to start over from scratch – that means a new bedroom. Sometimes coping with pain means overcoming it to pore yourself into a project and giving yourself a new bedroom, a new space to call your own. A place where you can toss yourself onto the bed and curl up with a book, listen to music you love to hear, watching the latest episode of True Blood. If you like writing, put in a desk, if you like sewing give yourself a little space for this. Whatever you want, it’s your bedroom now. Focus on the positives and how you get to make all the decisions from now on, be empowered!

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Divorce in Ontario has changed over the summer?!

Apparently divorce has changed a lot over the summer – couples are now required to attend info sessions about the alternatives to divorce in court as well as dealing with the impact of divorce on children. What a great move by the Attorney General – definitely people need to explore options like divorce mediation and being more educated about the process can only help to make it better for parents and children if involved.

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Coping with divorced parents

For many people, their parents’ divorce marks a turning point in their lives, whether the divorce happened many years ago or is taking place right now.

It may seem hard, but it is possible to cope with divorce — and have a good family life in spite of some changes divorce may bring.

1. Don’t go through it alone – talk to people.
2. Care for yourself physically and emotionally.
3. Don’t become an emotional junkie – find a way to let go of the anger and sadness.
4. Expect to experience a wide range of feelings.
5. Become informed about what is happening, you have the right to know what lies in the future.
6. Stay away from forming unhealthy alliances. You don’t have to be on anyone’s side.
7. Help your parents understand what you need to do for yourself.
8. Find out what works for you.
9. Learn how to use help from outside the family. School counselors are helpful, or talk to a favorite aunt or uncle.

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Changes in your life if your parents get divorced

Here are some of the ways your parent’s divorce might change your life:

• Custody arrangements and visitations – you may only be able to see or stay with your parents on certain days that were decided by your parents a mediator, a lawyer and/or the court
• Your parents may be sad, preoccupied or upset for a while after the divorce
• You probably won’t see one of your parents as much as you did before the divorce
• You may have trouble concentrating in school
• You may have to move and you may have to change schools
• You may have a different relationship with your grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, or other family members as they too get used to the differences in the family
• One or both of your parents may be dating
• Your family finances may be strained

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Getting A Divorce in Canada

A divorce is a serious matter.  It removes the rights and obligations associated with marriage, and leaves each person free to re-marry.  Divorce is something to be thought over carefully, perhaps with the help of a professional counsellor.

To get a divorce in Canada, you will have to show that your marriage has broken down. The law says marriage breakdown has occurred if:

• you and your spouse have lived separate and apart for one year with the idea that your marriage is over*; or
  

• your spouse has committed adultery (had sexual intercourse with someone else) and you have not forgiven your spouse; or
  

• your spouse has been physically or mentally cruel to you, making it unbearable to continue living together. Cruelty may include acts of physical violence and those causing severe mental anguish.

*Most divorces in Canada are based on one year separation. Note that ‘living separate and apart’ does not necessarily mean living in separate homes – you can be separated but share the same home for various reasons (children, money, etc.). For example, let’s say that your spouse moved out of the house three months ago. However, your marriage actually broke down and was essentially over nine months ago. Your actual date of separation may be nine months ago, rather than three months ago.                

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